How to deal with those who undermine your goals, and achievements

Do you have someone in your life who is a bad influence, undermines your efforts, etc?

Often when people first start with a healthy and fitter lifestyle , many people do so silently. Whether it's because they want to surprise their family and friends, are generally quiet about their goals, or afraid of what people would say should they fail, they do so without much attention.

If they continue in their lifestyle, eventually others begin to notice, whether it's the physical changes achieved, or the food on the plate, or the fact that one is excited about how great they feel and the success they are having and want to share the results of this lifestyle with others, along the way others will notice.
After all, in today's society, eating well and being active is not typical. You'll begin to stand out.

While one is trying to continue with positive life changes, they will eventually come upon some sort of outer resistance.

Whether it's someone trying to tempt you into food you don't want to eat, undermining your choices, or simply refusing to engage in conversation when you share something of your goals or how it makes you happy (friends should support healthy goals), or even guilting you that you're no longer fun because you no longer want to join in unhealthy habits, most people who transition over to a different lifestyle will come upon this attitude often enough that it can become lonely and depressing.



I'd like to highlight here, before I go on, to remember that you also can't be obnoxious about your lifestyle. Be a gentle example, yet don't guilt those who have no yet taken positive steps. I often worry about this in my own life, however fitness is my chosen career path. A mechanic is allowed to share his own work, as is the artist, however when it comes to fitness, something is triggered in many people. I make no apologies for running a business. People who don't like it are allowed to unfollow. It's simple.

So,how does one deal with this without getting de-railed and depressed?

Here are something to consider

Toxic people will undermine your success!

I hate to label people as “toxic”, but I can't think of a better word for people who tease you, make fun of your positive life choices, ignore you, or don't support your goals or respect the time and effort you spend to achieve them. (FYI, That doesn't mean you get to be an egomaniac and that they need to worship your achievements or prop you up either.)
The issue here is that your success often highlights their hurts, failures, or refusal to grow.

Often times in these relationships, we have a hard time knowing how to deal with this other side people begin to show us when we start to make lifestyle changes.
Often there are feelings of guilt associated with your healthy changes, especially when someone tells you "you've changed" (Yes, growth requires change) One must mentally square with these feelings and grow through them.

You have a few options here:
Friendship is familiar and we like to be loyal to our friends/family. We may also have feelings of guilt that we are in the wrong by looking out for our own mental and physical health should we create boundaries or walk away from someone who undermines us.
So, what to do?

1. If the relationship is one you want to keep, set boundaries!

1st I want to mention the other person. Often when they feel discomfort one must realize that whether or not the other person realizes their own discomfort, they are non-verbally setting a boundary. Respect it. This WILL cause the relationship to become less deep. I have many in my life who are awkward when I share what I do. Because I love them, I respect this unsaid boundary. If they are someone you want to keep in your life, you're going to have to learn to deal with them. Don't spend your energy sharing what you love even if you want to , and try to spend more time just listening to them. Ask them questions about their life, and try to find common ground elsewhere . If you love them, despite the relationship becoming less deep, you will try do this. Focus on the good, and try to connect on different issues.





However, if you have individuals who cross your boundaries, mock you, tempt you, etc. you need to have the conversation of what is acceptable for them to say and not to. If they respect you, they will comply, if not, you need to consider ending the friendship/relationship.

Within this point, I'd like to add you're going to have to accept you may lose people slowly. I always try to promote kindness, and love, but accept that as life changes, some people will distance themselves and won't remain friends with you. Always wish for them the best regardless.

2.End the friendship- It's straight-forward. Those that love you will respect you, talk to you with respect, and love you. If you find that none of those things are being considered, you are allowed to take care of yourself mentally and physically. Do so without guilt. Boundaries are healthy but those who do not respect them are not conducive to your health. Choose not to live bitter about this person. Move on!

Finally, expand your circles and be with people who share your passions, and goals, and bring out your best.
I can't say how amazing this has been for me. Spend time with the people who want to grow. Find a mentor, a coach, a workout buddy, a supportive gym environment.

Growth is never easy, but don't be afraid of it. You're allowed to grow! You'll never become a mature tree if you continue to live in a 2 ft pot. Don't let people stop you from being transplanted. Allow yourself to become planted in the ground, grow your roots deep. You need deep roots to stay solid. That wind will come, it might break some branches, but you'll keep growing despite that! Just keep spreading your leaves and taking in the sunshine and drink in the water from your storms!



Good Timber

By Douglas Malloch



The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.



The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease,
The stronger wind, the stronger trees,
The further sky, the greater length,
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.